Face the facts

When two pedestrians collide, there’s none of that anger we see when motorists cross one another’s path. The experts say that we don’t see aggression when people collide because they’re liable to exchange little signs of apology, which you are unable to do when you’re trapped inside a car.

The same kind of misunderstandings can easily happen on e-mail. The style of e-mail is terse but informal, so people get annoyed where no rudeness is intended, because they can’t see the expression on the face of the person they’re communicating with. If they could, the problem would instantly disappear.

Facial movements associated with embarrassment act as an apology, with the gaze averted and the eyes moving downwards. A brief smile flickers across the face and the hand often moves to the cheek. This may be accompanied by blushing. The whole response takes about five seconds.

Studies done in court rooms prove that of the defendants found guilty in court, the ones who blushed and looked embarrassed after the verdicts were read out received shorter sentences than those who appeared unrepentant. Embarrassment on the face is the equivalent of apologizing. It helps to show people that you know you’ve transgressed the rules.

Interestingly, embarrassment seems only to appear at the age of eighteen months, much later than other expressions. It’s at this age that a child first gets an awareness of people around it and a social sense.

Eye contact and head nods are crucial to our conversations. The single head nod indicates that the nodder has understood what is being said and wishes the speaker to continue. Rapid and repeated head nods indicate that the speaker wishes to speak. Eye contact is also vital, and we spend up to 75 per cent of the time looking at the person we’re talking to. We can underline the points we are making by raising our eyebrows or pursing our lips. The eyebrows can also be raised in a kind of visual question mark at the end of a sentence.

Most children learn to express themselves naturally through face-to-face communication with their parents and their peers. But in the modern world this kind of contact is diminishing. Instead of playing football and fighting, children are spending increasing amounts of time in front of computers. Numerous studies have shown that this can cause relationship problems later in life. Without the feedback of another’s emotions, children risk becoming withdrawn and depressed.